bila kuasa bukan milik kita

apa hak kita nak utus kejahatan ke atas orang lain?
dia manusia juga. punya hati dan perasaan.
apa hak kita nak balas tuba ke atas orang lain?
dia manusia juga. punya akal dan fikiran.

macam kita juga. bayang kalau diri kita terima semua itu. apa rasa?
bila tiba itu, rasa nak maki. rasa nak hamun. semua ada.
itu lah rasa bila kita buat pada orang.

mungkin ada orang takkan percaya pada karma.
namun hal itu memang ada.
mungkin karma tidak datang terus.
namun hal itu memang akan tiba.
mungkin tidak pada hidupan kini.
namun hal itu pasti muncul juga.

kini anda faham?
bila kuasa bukan milik kita. kita jangan sesekali terlintas untuk anggap kita berkuasa.
anda masih seorang manusia yang punya banyak khilaf.
muhasabah diri dulu.

memang saya geram. memang saya marah.
tapi tak apa. saya terima sahaja.
apa guna saya balas? saya tetap akan kalah.
sebab saya berserah pada pusingan hidup ini.
saya masih seorang yang mentah.
masih dianggap belum keluar dari kepompong.
masih belum cukup makan garam macam anda.

saya paling tak suka konfrantasi.
sebab tu orang selalu anggap saya lemah.
selalu depankan orang lain dari diri sendiri.
selalu lebihkan orang lain dari diri sendiri.

akibat?

orang pijak kepala.
sering sangat orang ulang hal ini.
apa masalah saya sekarang ni?

orang kena tahu.
saya ni macam awak juga. manusia juga.
bukan haiwan yang awak boleh arah-arah.
bukan boneka yang awak boleh gerak-gerak.
memang sifat saya macam ni.
kenapa awak tak dapat nak hormati hal itu tentang saya?
saya tak cari pasal dengan awak. kenapa awak nak mulakan perhitungan dengan saya?
ataupun ini memang konsepnya?
konsep menjadi seorang pelajar tahun pertama?

kalau ini konsep, kenapa baru sekarang nak mula buat perhitungan?
kenapa bukan dari awal lagi?
awak punya dendam dengan pelajar tahun-tahun sebelum?
dan awak perlukan seorang pelajar tahun pertama untuk jadi 'punching bag' awak?

fine. teruskan perhitungan awak. saya cuma akan terima dan senyum.
tapi, bersedia sahaja dengan kata-kata kesat dan maki hamun secara halus dari saya.
saya ikhlas. saya bagi secara halus sahaja.
TAK MAMPU LA NAK BAGI DEPAN-DEPAN.

i am not having a hard time here. everybody else has been good to me.
there's always one bad apple from a whole sack.
there's always that one cook that spoil the broth.

it's okay. i'll live.
11 days to go.
then, i will be back home where i belong and where comfort and love are all around me.

family.
friends.
love.
wait for my homecoming, okay?
i love you so much.
:)

with lots of patience,
me.

day 11 of ramadhan

time flies! real fast :)
it is now day 11 of fasting month. how am i? ah well. still surviving.
only phone calls can make me happy.
only phone calls.

dah 11 hari ni, boleh tahan la. membiasakan diri balik dengan buka puasa pukul 730. imsak 540 pagi. haha.
even waktu sahur pun i await for phone calls.
somebody will call me all the way from miri just to wake me up for sahur.
:) because i rarely wake up for sahur. i can still survive not having my sahur.
but then, if he still wants to call, i am more glad.
pagi-pagi dah boleh dengar suara dia. bukan selalu pun!
bulan puasa je boleh macam ni.
kalau hari biasa, memang bertuah la dia nak call pagi-pagi buta!
aku pun sangat bertuah la nak bangun awal pagi.

sekarang ni, aku tak la busy sangat. normal amount of assignments, kelas pun macam biasa.
so takde la beza sangat pun puasa or tak puasa.

the nearer i am to the day im going back, the more missing-ness i feel in my bones.
we call that super-excited!

before balik ni, aku jalan banyak.
and many sorts of things happen to me.
i went out yesterday. jalan-jalan around melaka. gila seronok!
naik menara taming sari. pegi a famosa. dataran pahlawan. mahkota parade. archery. karaoke.
omg. gila serious seronok! :)
walaupun puasa, tapi sikit pun tak rasa letih or penat. enjoy sangat. haha!

thank you kawan-kawan. :)

nak cerita about what happened to me today. but then, macam malas semacam je. movies menunggu aku. haha.

sayang afiq, ktk jgn lupak rehat byk2 k..? mun ktk xsihat klak, susah kmk.. susah hati kmk syg.. i love you so much dear.. 15 hari gik k? tunggu kmk k syg? i'll be home soon..

with love,
me.

the time has come.

today marks the first day of fasting in the year 2011.
this year, is the first year im fasting without those important people.
my family. mama, syafiq, kakya, abang.
my friends. laala, maman, nana, adib, sapri, ibrahim, and others.
puasa with all these new surrounding and stuff is so --- i cant take it.
it feels so alien to me.

i dont want to wake up for sahur when somebody from the other room calls.
i want mama to wake me up.
i want the smell of fried chicken from the kitchen woke me up.
i want those.
i dont want to eat petty foodstuff for sahur.
i want mama's fried rice.
i want to buy lauk with mama.
i want those.

*dasar budak part 1 yang homesick*

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=en73dyohcZ0

this year is the first year im celebrating raya with a new special someone in my life.
he is waiting for me in miri. he has been waiting for me from the day he left for mukah.
i have been waiting for raya from the day i left for melaka.

it is going to be an exciting raya this year. amin.
i just have to go through this one ramadhan by myself for once. get it over with and enjoy raya.
:)

dearest love ones in miri, wait for my homecoming okay?

with lots of patience to go back to miri,
me.

masih bertahan.

16 July 2011, genap la 2 bulan aku berada di tempat orang.
genap la 2 bulan aku tak jumpa dgn encik afiq ♥ . ;(

i truly truly miss home. where i can do anything i want. lay around all day long. online all day long. masak all day long. keluar makan ngan mama and syafiq. jumpa my dearest afiq. hangout dengan aliens.

khabar aku?
i am still surviving. makan okay la. wpun tak tentu sangat makan. alhamdulillah masih sihat. cuma sekarang aku agak kelaparan. dengan berbekalkan roti butterscotch, aku akan harung malam ni and esok pagi dengan baik. *clap hands!*

assignments aku?
sama je macam assignment course lain. banyak and challenging. presentation je manjang.. oh meng!!! assignment public speaking tak start lagi! dang it!

masscom okay ke?
aku sebagai budak masscom yang low profile, masih berada atas landasan diri aku sendiri. belum lagi terpesong ke mana2. aku masih terpegang teguh kepada amanat, nasihat dan segala jenis at.

dorm amacam?
aku masih menjadi illegal di bilik orang. bukan tak suka bilik sendiri. cuma tak berapa nak selesa. so, kak fara -- jangan la terasa.

rindu aku kat orang kat miri tu memang takkan habis tau. betapa aku nak balik miri wey! sampai hati flight balik miri tak tunggu aku. chait!
balik nanti, aku nak :

• jumpa afiq. spend time ngn afiq. i love you and miss you terribly sayang..


• jumpa family. have fun ngn family.


• jumpa aliens. go crazy with them. bowling okay? :)


• makan makanan fav aku. mama, masak for me? :)


• enjoy my comfort zone kat rumah. the best.

sekarang ni dah start cuti mid sem. tambah la aku bosan. perasaan aku nak balik miri tu, semakin membuak-buak. and now, i feel like crying.

emo la sekarang. i think aku akan balik bilik and tido.

with so much boredom, sadness and missingness inside me,

me.

baru tahu

rasa macam dah bertahun-tahun aku kat sini. aaaaa!
can somebody magically poof me to miri?
please.
haihhh..

so -- yesterday i went to bandar melaka. dengan shah n arisha.
NAIK BAS. :D PUBLIC TRANSPORT.
culture shock! muka driver bas tu dah la ganas. the conducter pulak cakap kasar-kasar.
the journey was so long! dari kampus ke bandar melaka was like -- an hour ++. macam dari miri pegi... err.. niah? yeaah. or bekenu. :) hehe..

if i were to make the differences, i'd rather go for the public transport in miri.
and aku tak pernah pun naik bas kat miri. except for the one untuk pegi competitions and lawatan.

dengan cuit yang cukup-cukup makan. mama bagi seratus je untuk survive sampai hujung bulan.
nak beli buku lagi, nak bayar tu, bayar ni.
aku baru tahu untuk berjimat.
teeheee.. baru rasa hidup duit kurang. :) ah well.
aku limitkan diri aku untuk beli 5 barang sahaja semalam.
sangatttt tergoda dengan barang-barang kat tesco. baru masuk tesco!
belum lagi masuk mall lain! habis la aku. haha.

i ended up buying -- 5 things! congrats jihan. haha.
hari ni, im fasting. atas 2 sebab. nak ganti puasa and sebab xda duit. kesian tak?
and today -- first day masuk class. and awal-awal lagi, kelas dah kena cancel. -.- i woke up early today sebab excited. tengok2, kena cancel. oh well. ada masa untuk aku online. hehe.

bertuah betul la budak ni. bukak lagu long distane pulakkkk.
now i really really really am missing my dearest afiq. :(

dah.

with love,
me.

when things go out of hands

i am so glad to say that i am now in seattle! :) *hip hip hoorayyyyy!*
it has been about a week now.
last week, we were in Los Angeles. visiting disneyland, universal studios and california adventure
park. it was so much fun! :D
sangat tak sangka i actually rode most of the scary rides. crazyyyyy!
-.- i left my jantung and all my other organs on the rides. haha.

pictures will be put up in facebook when comes the right time. *kemalasan melanda*

now in seattle is 2.50PM, Friday, June 10, 2011.
in malaysia is 5.50AM, Saturday, June 11, 2011.
ye, kami lambat sehari.

kakya will be graduating on saturday. that is tomorrow! yeah yeahhhh.
congratulations and lots of love to my dearest sister, cik zurriya. :)
segila-gila dia pun, she is graduating with HONORS. cayak ko?
hahahah. yes, its true. with honors.
dem bladi praud of her! :D
*clap hands*

i bought a new dress for the event. short dress! at lastt. dapat jugak short dress!
comel la. nanti la upload gambar. haiyaa. still in malas mode. and missing mode.
huhuhu.

i -- miss --boyfriend. AFIQ.
aiyakkkkk.
truly truly missing him.
he is currently in kuching. visiting his grandmother.
sangat tak best bila dia tak dapat online. sebab since im in seattle -- itu je cara untuk stay in touch. kalo kat malaysia, still boleh call or sms.

all i can do now is-- wait and let myself suffer dengan sadness from all the songs he gave.
patience is virtue. patience is virtue. patience is virtue.
i can do this. sabar.
just think that -- he is doing okay and missing you too.

dont cry too much okay? he loves you so much. dont worry. as he said, he's been busy with family stuff and works, therefore -- you have to be understanding and just be patient.
he is missing you too. he is also feeling miserable without you around him. :) *pujuk diri sendiri*

i just need to hear from him. as long as i know he is okay, then -- i'm fine with it.
even then, i will still miss him in person.

news right now : maybe i can't be home in miri for raya. because uitm only cuti for one week. from the 27th August to 7th September.
mama said, 'pendek sangat la awak cuti. tak berbaloi duit mama.'
please mama. jangan buat saya nangis. saya nangis mengalir habis-habis bila mama cakap macam tu. mama, moments. moments.
saya akan mintak duit dari ayah then. i will come back. kalo korang nak raya kat kelantan, go ahead. i'll stay in miri alone. i can still live.
by just writing like this pun aku dah rasa nak nangis.
i have to go back.
i miss my aliens. i miss my boyfriend.
how can i not raya with them? that is just not cool.
selama ni pun, diorang yang lebih kenal aku daripada --- malas la cakap.
nanti orang cakap aku ni lupa daratan.
my only kampung is, miri. no where else.
i have to raya in miri.
you want me go to back to kelantan? yes, i'll go but NOT masa raya.

saya nak balik miri.
saya nak balik miri.
saya nak balik miri.

aliens, rindu ngn ktkorg bhhhhhhh! :(((
sayang, i miss you. i love you. come save me. come for me. i'm dying.

with lots of love and so miserably missing my dearest dearest afiq and lovely aliens,
me.

new

i survived a week in my new place.
setakt ni, okay la. baru lepas MDS. which stands for Minggu Destini Siswa. which means orientation week. :)

found new friends sudah. :)
mari saya kenalkan.

1. Shah Hadfina (shah) - Kedah
2. Farah Izzaty (farah) - Puncak Alam
3. Syafinor Arisha (arisha) - Pulau Pinang
4. Nur Fatihah Nadia (ann) - Klang
5. Wan Hanis Sophia (sophia) - Melaka

left to right : farah, jihan, shah, arisha.

taken by sophia. ann dah letih, so tak larat nak ambik-ambik gambar.
this was taken masa minggu destini siswa, dekat dataran keris, uitm alor gajah.

agak okay la campus life now.
i can do this. yes i can!

in this post, i just want to introduce THE BEBAI.
hahaha. buruk sungguh nama itu.


with love,
me.