plans plans plans.

ever heard of the phrase, 'go with the flow'? oh yes, the popular phrase. apparently for those yang adventurous la konon.
life is full of surprises. so, tak payah plan. ikut saja haluan hidup ni. it will bring you somewhere.
tapi, sebenarnya, haluan tu bawa ke mana? sampai bila nak ikut arus?
even arus sungai pun eventually akan sampai ke laut. itu tujuannya. itu arahnya.
memang, hidup ni bukan nya mudah. bukannya cerita dongeng.
bangun pagi ; breakfast di katil, baju siap di gosok, kereta siap dipandu, kerja siap dihantar.

setiap hari perlu ada tujuan. setiap hari perlu ada matlamat.
setiap tujuan dan matlamat perlu ada sebab dan kesan.
contoh ; hari ini saya nak makan cupcakes *lagi*. kenapa perlu makan? apa sebab dan kesannya? memberi kepuasan hidup, gembira, bla bla bla.
contoh saja lah!

i know, orang akan cakap, kalau hidup ni penuh dengan planning saja, mana thrill nya?
jadi, aku jawab. kalau hidup tanpa tujuan, mana thrill nya?
contoh tiada tujuan ; bangun pagi, makan, tengok tv, makan lagi, tidur petang, bangun, minum petang, hirup udara di luar rumah, makan, tengok tv, tidur.
tolong tunjukkan thrill hidup begitu. sebab saya tak nampak thrill di situ.

kalaupun nak hidup penuh thrill, mesti la plan dulu kan? nak pergi melancong, penuh thrill, kena plan juga. nak kahwin, penuh thrill, kena plan juga. even nak keluar rumah pun kena ada plan.
jadi, jangan sebut dekat aku yang kau tak perlu plan kehidupan.
kau perlu sedar. disebabkan kehidupan ini bukan lah semudah yang kau sangka, sebab itu perlunya plan.

sayang,
i am not the ahli falsafah yang punya jawapan kepada semua soalan.
cuma seorang pemberi kau semangat untuk bangun. bangkit sayang, bangkit.
look, i have plans. i have done like, 5 years plan for my life.
in 5 years, i imagine myself am done with my diploma, doing my degree, engaged to you, doing plans for our wedding day, and having a great career with stable finance.
and, i would really love it if you could be in the picture.
but, right now, i feel like i am the only one yang nak benda-benda tu. striving to achieve a great life with you.

i am not asking to have a big white house surrounded with picket white fence.
nor i am asking for gold, diamond, and all those material things. this is not even about me. this is your life. and i just want you to start thinking. awak bukan nya semakin muda. awak janji tinggi melambung. sekarang? u know, at first, i thought your family was being too pushy. now, i get the picture. remember what i told you about attitude?
i made a resolution beginning of this year to make a change in someone's life and making it big. i want to help you. so, help me out here. help me to help you.

what else do i need to do to get you to realise the meaning of all these? do you need to lose me first, then you'd realize the hard core truth? by then, it would be too late. and by then, i need to change my plans too. i do not want that.
please sayang. i love you too much to let you go.
i love you sayang.

giving you the hard core truth,
me.