tiup habuk

wow. sawang dah macam hutan tropika. haha!
my dearest blog, I'm sorry for leaving you for so long.
wanted to write but was busy.
I have started my 4th semester in the same ol campus.
What's new? Well,

• I got another Dean's List for last semester. The highest so far, 3.89. Alhamdulillah.
• I am made the Naib Yang Di-Pertua 1 for KOMED :)
• I am still, Alhamdulillah with my dearest, super duper, husband-to-be, Mr. Afiq. ♥

My family is still best ever. Mama sihat. Syafiq is great. Abang and Kakya is doing good.

It is nearing the end of December now. 27th December, to be exact.
Eh, sumpah tak rasa dah nak masuk 2013. I went through a lot this year. Well, sama lah macam tahun-tahun yang lepas. I am still living my life to the very fullest. I just can't ask for more.
I am happy, healthy, and still here. Syukur, Alhamdullilah.

Along this year, I found more and more interesting people to flavor up my life. Sejak jadi NYDP,  people acknowledge my existence, more smile given, more smile taken, more stories, more of everything. I do not want to acknowledge them one by one, just for me to know that I have more special people to cherish in my life.

Well now, shall I start by evaluating my 2012's resolution? I wonder what have I achieve this year.

What I asked for

1. another DL, perhaps? insyaAllah. - I sure got this one. Alhamdulillah :)
2. forever loving me boyfriend. *i love you dearest afiq sayang* - I still love him, till my last breath.
3. to constantly cherish everything that comes into my way. - I certainly enjoyed everything. 
4. to be a great person. - *angkat bakul sendiri* hello, i am forever awesome! :D
5. make changes in anyone's life. making it big. - He got a job. He is stabling his life now. I am still guiding him. I believe in him. He can do this. He is my sweetheart. ♥
6. a better health - well, my resdung is still here, but I am Alhamdulillah sihat walafiat.
7. family's happiness is my happiness - biasa la tu, sedih sedih sikit. We are still one small happy family. I still love us, selagi nyawa ada.
8. to love and to hold everyone that change me for the better. - He made me stronger. Allahu Akbar. My guardian. My light.
9. enjoy every single moment that i have with all my kesayangan - they will always be in heart. L, N, M.
10. to be known for what i am. - I am a leader. Now everybody knows it when I am made the NYDP 1 KOMED. 

Well, 2013 is on its way. Very very soon, it will be here. Oh, how time flies. 
I am 20 next year. Afiq sweetheart will be 23. *ehem, tak lama boleh kahwin* :D
Nak buat resolution ke? Over the years, resolutions are overrated. 

Oh, what the heck. It will keep on repeating the same thing though. 
For 2013, I wish :

1. to become a much much better Muslim. InsyaAllah, tak tinggal solat, tak lupa baca Quran.
2. for Mama, Syafiq, Abang and Kakya to live happily and healthily. I live for their happiness.
3. my dearest dearest sweetheart, Abdul Afiq b. Abdul Malik, to always to by my side, and I therefore will never ever leave his. I wish to celebrate our 2nd anniversary together. I also wish to see his happiness shine through. I want this relationship to be as strong as ever. To never give up on making this relationship work till our last breath.
4. sacrifices are made, I came to Melaka to be the best. I wish to get more and more academic's achievement. *4 flat, InsyaAllah* 
5. to forever keep the strong bond between my friends. Payah pulak nak list sorang sorang.
6. to always know my priorities. Divide my time for all my responsibilities, equally.
7. to never ever let go of my principle about everything. 
8. to always be the best in whatever I do. Dalam setiap pekerjaan, pasangkan niat yang tepat. Niat.
9. to never ever give up in all the hardships of life. Allah hanya akan memberi ujian yang selaras dengan keupayaan hambanya. Allah tidak akan menguji jika hambanya tidak berupaya untuk mengatasinya. 
10. To thank Allah for everything. Love, Happiness, Patience, Strength.

I welcome 2013 with my open arms. 

With all my heart and soul,
I love you,
me.

p/s : I wonder when will I come back and write again. 

mengira bulu

Kau memang takkan senang jika sering hidup dengan orang yang mengira bulu.

Makin banyak bulu yang rosak, makin tu lah dia pijak pijak kau.

Tapi bila dah ramai sangat asyik mengila bulu, lemak lah!

kau pun boleh naik gila kan? 

asyik nak kira salah orang.  salah dia, dia lupa. bulu dia, dia lupa.

jangan bagi aku mencarut. sebab itu bukan aku. 

sebab kau, perangai setan tu akan muncul dan nanti kau juga sakit.

jangan sebab aku yang hanya ikut cakap, membiarkan perkara berlaku, kau ingat kau boleh sepak terajang aku. 

look, aku memang bukan malaikat yang kurang salahnya. aku pun banyak dosa aku. tapi, itu dosa aku dengan diri sendiri. dan aku juga sedar wujudnya salah aku dengan orang lain. 

tapi, yang jadi masalah bila manusia tak sedar salah sendiri dengan orang lain dan masih rasa diri primary. 

apa yang kau nak sebenarnya? apa yang kau kejar? 

kalau nak rosakkan aku, baik lupakan. kau belum nampak marah aku. 

kau belum tahu betapa disastrous nya keadaan itu.  

you and your narcissism. what good does it bring to you? congratulations, you just ruined my mood. 

tengok, sebab awak, saya dah keluarkan post yang marah marah. 

please jangan. bukan bidang saya lah nak marah marah. 

jangan bagi saya marah,

me.

hope and faith

insyaAllah, esok akan jadi hari gembira dia. :)

sayang, whatever shit happens, i'll be here for you.

i love you so very deeply.
:),
me.

plans plans plans.

ever heard of the phrase, 'go with the flow'? oh yes, the popular phrase. apparently for those yang adventurous la konon.
life is full of surprises. so, tak payah plan. ikut saja haluan hidup ni. it will bring you somewhere.
tapi, sebenarnya, haluan tu bawa ke mana? sampai bila nak ikut arus?
even arus sungai pun eventually akan sampai ke laut. itu tujuannya. itu arahnya.
memang, hidup ni bukan nya mudah. bukannya cerita dongeng.
bangun pagi ; breakfast di katil, baju siap di gosok, kereta siap dipandu, kerja siap dihantar.

setiap hari perlu ada tujuan. setiap hari perlu ada matlamat.
setiap tujuan dan matlamat perlu ada sebab dan kesan.
contoh ; hari ini saya nak makan cupcakes *lagi*. kenapa perlu makan? apa sebab dan kesannya? memberi kepuasan hidup, gembira, bla bla bla.
contoh saja lah!

i know, orang akan cakap, kalau hidup ni penuh dengan planning saja, mana thrill nya?
jadi, aku jawab. kalau hidup tanpa tujuan, mana thrill nya?
contoh tiada tujuan ; bangun pagi, makan, tengok tv, makan lagi, tidur petang, bangun, minum petang, hirup udara di luar rumah, makan, tengok tv, tidur.
tolong tunjukkan thrill hidup begitu. sebab saya tak nampak thrill di situ.

kalaupun nak hidup penuh thrill, mesti la plan dulu kan? nak pergi melancong, penuh thrill, kena plan juga. nak kahwin, penuh thrill, kena plan juga. even nak keluar rumah pun kena ada plan.
jadi, jangan sebut dekat aku yang kau tak perlu plan kehidupan.
kau perlu sedar. disebabkan kehidupan ini bukan lah semudah yang kau sangka, sebab itu perlunya plan.

sayang,
i am not the ahli falsafah yang punya jawapan kepada semua soalan.
cuma seorang pemberi kau semangat untuk bangun. bangkit sayang, bangkit.
look, i have plans. i have done like, 5 years plan for my life.
in 5 years, i imagine myself am done with my diploma, doing my degree, engaged to you, doing plans for our wedding day, and having a great career with stable finance.
and, i would really love it if you could be in the picture.
but, right now, i feel like i am the only one yang nak benda-benda tu. striving to achieve a great life with you.

i am not asking to have a big white house surrounded with picket white fence.
nor i am asking for gold, diamond, and all those material things. this is not even about me. this is your life. and i just want you to start thinking. awak bukan nya semakin muda. awak janji tinggi melambung. sekarang? u know, at first, i thought your family was being too pushy. now, i get the picture. remember what i told you about attitude?
i made a resolution beginning of this year to make a change in someone's life and making it big. i want to help you. so, help me out here. help me to help you.

what else do i need to do to get you to realise the meaning of all these? do you need to lose me first, then you'd realize the hard core truth? by then, it would be too late. and by then, i need to change my plans too. i do not want that.
please sayang. i love you too much to let you go.
i love you sayang.

giving you the hard core truth,
me.

Friendship also have their ups and downs.

kadang-kadang saya tak tahu apa yang saya buat. sebab kadang-kadang saya jahil dengan orang sekeliling. tapi kadang-kadang orang sekeliling pun bukan nya peduli saya pun.

dari dulu saya berpegang pada 'jangan buat kat orang, biarkan orang yang buat kat kita. kalau kita balas balik, kita pun sama tolol macam dia'. tapi, kadang-kadang, disebabkan emosi yang meluak-luak, minda yang menghasut-hasut ..

saya buat kat orang.

bukan sebab saya nak buat jahat, tapi saya cuma nak letak sense dalam dia. mungkin sebab dia tak dapat nak terima. atau sebab saya terlalu defensive.

dalam class semalam, kami belajar tentang conflict. tiba-tiba, dia cakap, 'dengar tu! orang tak suka kena control'. saya orang yang superior. saya bukan nak control keadaan, saya cuma nak ikut common sense.

cuba awak fikir sedalam-dalamnya.

saya letih lah. asyik conflict macam ni. macam jaga budak kecik.

i miss my aliens kat miri and kuching,
me.