Feelings

There's this feeling.
Deadly. 

When you know it's there but you contemplate your every decision. 
You gloom your every move. 
You frown at every bite.
You curse your old self for having to live the way you live now.

"You could have ran away" "You should have left while you can" 

What do I do with this feeling?

When you also know that you can't share this feeling with anyone. 
You don't think they should know.
You don't feel that it is correct.
You don't want to be judged for having these thoughts.

"Keep quiet" "Keep it to yourself" "Smile"

How do I keep up with this feeling? 

You thought this feeling will go away eventually. But all you are doing is deny. 
Just deny this feeling. You are wrong for feeling this way. 
You are ungrateful for just having these thoughts. You are not pious enough, that is why you are feeling all these. 

If this is just temporary, how much longer do I have to go through this? 
How do I end this?

When all you can do is cry. Then eventually crying becomes a routine. All you do is sit and be blank.

It's not that you demand some sort of validation. But you just want to be valid to yourself. 
Not needed. Not seen. But just valid. Not to anyone. But yourself.